2017

It seems a bit crazy to me that I didn't touch this blog once in 2016. I'm assuming that I made another blog, but maybe I didn't. I have this bad habit of creating all new things every single time I start over. I've decided that I'm not going to do that this time. This time I am just going to stick with this since it's not a new journey - I'm just getting back on the wagon.


Now, the sad thing about this continuation is that I am currently the heaviest weight I have ever been. However, I'm not as sad as I once would have been. It's OK and I know that I'm going to be OK. I'm turning the big 3-0 this year and I am determined to be a healthier me. As long as I go through this year trying to be a healthier me, I will be happy and proud.

2017!

Mobile Blogging

Well, I decided to try the mobile app out! I do prefer to type out my blogs on the computer since it is easier, but having the mobile app might make me blog more. I like blogging when I have that urge to do it, so now no matter where I am, a blogging I can do. Woo. I seem to be in an app downloading mood, anyway. Sparkpeople and Loseit are both back on my phone. Hopefully, being tied into online communities will help keep me on track. 

Every time I get back on track, I feel like I feel differently than I felt previously. What I am feeling right now is not a new feeling. I am feeling like I can stick to this long term. I know how long this feeling usually sticks around, but I hope it keeps me company for a longer period of time. I hope that when I am knocked down... That this feeling helps me back up rather than leaving me to pull myself up alone. I am acting a little differently than I used to. I actually uploaded my photos to MFP. I plan to add a photo of myself to all of the weight loss support sites I am a member of. I think a large part of this journey is me accepting myself as I am today. I'm sure that will help with my social anxiety as well. 

Speaking of my anxiety, it has been kicking my ass lately. Social situations seem to be harder than ever, and my general anxiety that I have at home is getting pretty bad. I've been on a crappy sleeping schedule due to it, and now that I am trying to fix that schedule, my anxiety won't let me sleep through the night. It woke me up two nights in a row. Thankfully, last night was easier than the night before. I'm going to keep trying to improve my schedule rather than letting the anxiety scare me into staying awake all night again. I also am going to work on going into more public places rather than waiting in my van for everyone to do what they need to. I just need to keep thinking positively and not allow myself to fall back into my bubble. I can't allow my fears and insecurities to rule my life. 

Well, I guess that's it for now. 

Back

It has been a pretty crappy year so far. I'm not going to get into any of that right now, but it did make me realize how temporary life is. I haven't been living the life that I want. Life is short, and I really do need to start living the life that I want rather than dreaming about it. I can't fix or control everything, so I'm focusing on what I can. 

I lost 20 pounds at the beginning of this year. Thankfully, I seem to have maintained that weight loss while not actively trying to lose. I was worried that I may have gained back more than I lost. I feel so lucky about not having to start from the beginning. I still have a way to go, but I'm doing my best to not think about my goal/maintenance weight. Trying to live in the now and just adjust my living and eating habits. 

I've been trying to find vloggers and bloggers to follow. It's a little more difficult than I thought it would be. Beating myself up a little bit for deleting my old youtube. 

I always have lots to say... until I sit down to write out a blog.

Still Here

I had something kind of throw me off course at the end of January. Since then, I've been struggling to keep motivated and to keep doing this. I haven't really gained any weight - it has been bouncing around a few pounds. I haven't been eating too horribly (minus the last couple of days), but I haven't been getting in enough water or exercise. I am hoping that if I get back into this (online blogging and communities) that it will give me what I need to get my head back in it. I'm thankful that I haven't completely fallen off the wagon, because this would be a whole different kind of post.

Anyway. I managed to lose 20 pounds in January, but by the last day I was at an almost 18 pound loss. This is pretty much where I still am. 

Good Luck.

First Non Scale Victory

I have reached one of my first goals, and I am so excited!! I can finally use the wii fit plus again! Well, as soon as I locate the game. I had to use the quick weigh in on the wii menu to see if it would accept my weight. I was fully prepared for bad news, but I had a feeling it would accept me today!

Weight Loss

Week 1 : -5.2 pounds
Week 2 : -5.4 pounds

Total Loss: -10.6 pounds

I also had a scale victory today that felt pretty nice. I am officially down 10.6 pounds! I lost a little over 5 pounds each week. Too bad I can't expect to see this much longer! Ha. I have about 33 more pounds until I hit one of my first 'big' goals. I'm hoping to see that by May 1, 2015. I'm not going to push the time issue, but it's nice to have an idea of when. I'm just happy to be making any progress. :)

I have been having a little trouble when it comes to exercising. I did Walk Away the Pounds a few times, and I loved exercising and moving around. Unfortunately, after the workout was done, I found myself having extreme anxiety - almost full blown panic attacks. I felt like I wasn't getting enough air, even once my heart rate slowed down some. I'm thinking that for now, I'm going to have to stick to mostly strength training. I do have a heart rate monitor, though, so I can do some other exercise and keep and eye on my heart rate. I'm hoping keeping it lower will help me avoid panic attacks.

Other than my problems with exercising, things have been going pretty well. This time around, everything has been a lot easier. I've allowed myself to eat whatever I want, as long as I am able to fit it into my daily calories. I don't mean skip all meals just to eat this one thing, either. I mean a small portion that I can fit in along with the rest of my meals and snacks. I'm still having processed snacks, but am sticking to lower calorie options. I would like to avoid all processed foods down the road, but this is working for me right now. One step at a time!

Thursday

Thursday is the day I weigh in this year. It sounds silly, but choosing an official day to log my weight loss for the week is not always the easiest task for me. However, this time around it was the one thing I didn't have to think about. The year started on a Thursday, therefore Thursday was weigh in day.

Weight Loss

Week 1 : -5.2 pounds

I should make up a quick table, but this will work for now. Not a bad loss for the first week :). Obviously, I don't expect to lose 5 pounds every week - that's just unrealistic. I knew I would see a higher number for week 1. Usually, my body sheds weight a little slowly, and I'm lucky when I see a 2 pound loss. I seem more OK with that this time around than I have in the past. I just want to be healthy. 

I am doing great logging my food and staying within my calorie range. It hasn't been all that hard, and I'm thankful for that. I do want to start getting some exercise in, though. A few more pounds and I will be able to use the wii fit again, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to use my elliptical. My knees just can't handle it right now. I think I may start up Walk Away the Pounds since it seems like a nice way to ease into exercise. As for this past week, I have just tried to be more active than usual. I'm cleaning more, cooking more, and walking around more. I think this week is a good time to start up WAtP as well as figure out a routine for my hand weights. 

2015

I cannot say that this is the first time I have started this weight loss journey at the beginning of a new year, but I do hope it is the last time I have to start. I am starting this year at the heaviest weight I have ever been, and the plan is to end it at a weight I haven't been since I was a teenager. However, it is not just the number I am looking at. I want to be healthier, and I want to stay that way.


Goals. Let me talk about some goals. These aren't solid goals, but they're just things I would like to see.

I want to start next year 100 pounds less than I am today. Ideally, I would like to be 120 pounds less since I am aiming to lose 10 per month, but I feel 100 is more reasonable. However, I will take any sort of weight loss for this year!

I want to be three jean sizes lower. I would love to be 4 sizes down, but we'll see how things go.

I want to be at least one shirt size down, but hoping for 2!

I want my anxiety to lessen, and it usually does when I lose a decent amount of weight.

I want to be able to breathe easier. I have a pretty hard time at night with the sleep apnea.

I want to be able to make healthy food choices without having to talk to myself about it in my head.

I want to look forward to exercising! I want to become a much more active person.

I want to feel better.


Every time I continue/start over my weight loss journey, it always feel different - like i'll actually be able to accomplish something. Only time will tell.